Beauty and the Beast?!
by Callisto Nicol
Summary: Duo has signed up the cast of Gundam Wing to be in a play! Will they survive? Will it be performed? Will Duo learn how to sing?!


~~Warning: Wufei in a dress, that's it! @.@  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing *sob* and I don't own Beauty and the Beast. Wouldn't mind owning either one, though.oh, and I don't own any of the real people I mention, because they own themselves.  
  
For: Celeste, because of her profound love of Heero (:-Þ), and for the Quatre ML because I mention so many of them in here  
  
Author's Note: I swear all my muses bit me on this one .Celeste doesn't know I used her for this story. Yet. Er.anywhos, it would help greatly if you have seen the Disney version of Beauty and the Beast, which is where this idea came from. And as always, R & R!~~  
  
  
  
"So, what's on the agenda for today?" duo asked cheerily as he walked into the kitchen of Quatre's giant mansion. Everyone was in there, waiting on this particular dope-head.  
  
"Don't you remember, baka?" Heero snapped grumpily. "You're the one who planned this for us!"  
  
Suddenly it was as if a light bulb clicked on in Duo's head. "I remember! We're going to play practice today! So what are you guys sitting around for? Let's get a move on!"  
  
"You sure they have our parts already assigned?" Wufei asked suddenly. "Because I blatantly refuse to audition."  
  
"You big baby," Relena said. Hilde nodded in agreement.  
  
"Alright then, let's get going!" Duo cried happily  
  
***  
  
"Is this it?" Quatre asked nervously, looking up at a building sporting a painted sign that read "Everything But Blonde-PLAY HOUSE."  
  
"You bet!" Duo walked inside, leaving the others to follow him.  
  
"YOU GUYS ARE SO LATE!" a female voice screeched.  
  
"Who, us?" Quatre asked.  
  
"Well, you are the Gundam Group, neh?"  
  
"Eh."  
  
"Then yes, you are LATE." The woman shoved a pair of lens-less glasses on her nose and looked at a clipboard. "Okay. My name's Celeste, and I'm in charge here. I'll be the manager of your play."  
  
"But you're a woman!" Wufei cried. "This is an injustice!" Celeste glared at him.  
  
"Bossy," Heero muttered.  
  
"But hot!" Duo whispered in response.  
  
Trowa took a step forward. "Miss Celeste, who has which part?"  
  
"I was just getting there, Trowa."  
  
"How do you know my name?"  
  
"The author told me."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Yes. So, anyway, let's get started. The play you guys are performing is Beauty and the Beast."  
  
"YES!" Duo yelled.  
  
"Shaddup, braid boy. Okay, you're parts were pre-assigned. Heero, you get to play the part of the beast." She suddenly took on a seductive smile. "I will be working with you personally."  
  
"HMPH!" Relena growled and glared.  
  
"MOVING on. Quatre, you will be playing the part of Gaston."  
  
"Me?" Quatre squeaked.  
  
"HIM?" Wufei roared. "I'M the strong one of the lot, I should get to play the part of buff misher Gaston!"  
  
"The word is monsieur. And the script here clearly says Quatre is Gaston."  
  
"But-but-but Miss Celeste," Quatre stuttered. "Gaston is big and bad and I'm-I'm-"  
  
"Not." Trowa finished.  
  
"So? Look like I care?" Turning, Celeste shouted, "JULIA! LISSA! YOU AND YOUR GIRLS CAN COME WORK WITH QUATRE-GASTON NOW!"  
  
Suddenly a whole group of giggling girls showed up to escort Quatre off somewhere. They immediately started stripping him and giving all sorts of absurd advice.  
  
"Eh.NEXT! Trowa, you get to be Crazy Old Maurice, Belle's father."  
  
"ME?!" Trowa cried out, a rare event indeed. "Quiet little me who never says anything even to my friends, yet you want me to play the part of a crazy old geezer?!"  
  
"Look, buster, if you don't like your part, take it up with the AUTHOR of this STORY, not ME, the MANAGER of this PLAY. Got it?"  
  
Trowa nodded his head. He, like most characters, understood that you just don't mess with the author of your story.  
  
"Good. NORA! ELISE! TROWA-MAURICE IS READY!" Magically two girls appeared to drag a scared looking Trowa away.  
  
Looking down the clipboard, Celeste said, "Let's get this going faster, so I can have more time with my Heero. Relena, Hilde, Lady Une (whom we shall call Anne), you three get to be the three girls that always moon after Gaston. Down the hall to the right are Clark and Brent, ready to cater to your every whim. Miss Noin, you get to be chip, and Mariemaia, you get to be Mrs. Potts."  
  
Mariemaia and Noin looked at each other, but due to previous events wisely kept their mouths shut.  
  
"When are you going to get to me?" Duo whined.  
  
"Shaddup, braid boy, I'm getting there. Treize, congrats, you now have the part of Clogsworth! Duo, you get to be.dun dun DUN-Lumiere! Sally Po, you are the duster, Zechs, you're Lefou, and you, Dorothy, are the fat dresser."  
  
"Are you saying I'm fat?" Dorothy demanded.  
  
Celeste shrugged. "I da know, are ya? You guys, down that hall to the left. Duo, look for Chelsea and Cat, Treize, look for Molly, the rest of you grab whomever!"  
  
"Are we at me yet?" Wufei asked grumpily. "All the good parts have been taken!"  
  
With an evil, scary look on her face, Celeste replied, "Oh yes, we are at you. You, Wufei, are to be cast as-BELLE!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Wufei wailed. "The injustice of it all! I-I-I'm being cast as-A WOMAN!!!!"  
  
"Remember, Wu, this is a musical." With that parting remark, Celeste grabbed Heero so they could start memorizing lines before joining together as a group for real practice.  
  
***  
  
"So, you're Gaston," Lissa purred at Quatre, who was standing amidst a group of girls in only his boxers. "You do know, of course, that this is a musical, and you're going to have to sing a few songs."  
  
"I do?" Quatre squeaked.  
  
"Oh yes," Sparkle replied. "That's what we're here for."  
  
"."  
  
"We'll dress you, teach you your songs, and help you memorize your lines," Julia murmured against his ear.  
  
"Quatre turned bright red and yelled, "HELP ME!!!"  
  
***  
  
"Hey, how come Quatre has a big group of pretty girls to help him and I only have two hot girls?" Duo pouted as Chelsea and Cat rummaged through a large chest. "Well? Will somebody tell me why?"  
  
"Tell me whyyy," Cat sang.  
  
"Ain't nothing but a heartache," Chelsea continued.  
  
"Tell me whyyy,"  
  
"Ain't nothing but a mistake."  
  
"Tell me whyyy,"  
  
"I FOUND IT!' Chelsea shrieked, holding up a little book. "I finally found the scrip!"  
  
"Er.are you going to answer my question or not?" Duo asked timidly.  
  
"Oh yeah. Well, there are more girls in the world who love Quatre than girls who love you," Cat replied.  
  
"Do you know how to sing?" Chelsea interrupted, "because you-Lumiere- are the main singer in 'Be Our Guest'."  
  
"Of course I can sing!" Duo replied haughtily, and then proceeded to launch into an incredibly off-key version of Row, Row, Row Your Boat.  
  
"This is going to need some work," Cat whispered. Chelsea turned the light off and lit a torch. Duo abruptly stopped singing.  
  
"Come to us, our little pyro-maniac," they whispered together. "We have to work."  
  
"Duo's screams rang out through the play house-and then stopped when the girls got to him.  
  
***  
  
"Hut, hut, get a move on!" Celeste shouted at everybody. "We have a lot of practicing to get done!" All the cast members were now assembled on stage- all except Wufei, that is.  
  
"Hey, where's Wu-wu?" as now reined and sort of sophisticated Duo asked.  
  
"Don't worry, Duo, he'll be back here in a second. Now, we're skipping the first scene due to the fact that our enchantress isn't here today. So, Belle, please step forward and start singing." Everyone stood still for five minutes, but no one stepped forward.  
  
"Er, Celeste.can I ask a question?" Quatre-Gaston asked timidly. "Who IS Belle?"  
  
"WUFEI!!!" Celeste bellowed. "WHERE THE BLOODY HECK ARE YOU?!?!"  
  
"Right here," mumbled a.er.woman! This girl had on way too much make- up, a tacky blue dress, and short black hair.  
  
"Wufei?!" asked Treize, slowly backing up.  
  
"Sing." Celeste commanded. "We're all waiting on you."  
  
In a girly voice, Wufei started singing (on tune, yay!) "Little town, in a quiet village, every day, like the one before, little town, full of little people, waking up to say..."  
  
All of a sudden, out of nowhere, Maguanacs dressed up like villagers popped up sang the bonjour part.  
  
Back to Wufei. And so they continued singing until it got to the part with Gaston shooting the geese.  
  
"I don't want to shoot an innocent animal!" Quatre wailed. "The poor thing!"  
  
"JUST SHOOT IT!" Celeste yelled.  
  
"Fine," he whimpered, lifting up the gun he was carrying. Quatre closed his eyes and pulled the trigger at a group of gees eon the ceiling. Something fell down to the ground, and Zechs ran to get it.  
  
"AAH! This isn't a good!" he cried out.  
  
"NOO!" Celeste shrieked. "Quatre, you shot the backstage crewman light dude!"  
  
"So I didn't kill the goose?"  
  
"Of course you didn't," Relena snapped. "You killed the light man instead."  
  
"Oh, okay. Can we go on now?"  
  
"No! Oh what am I-are WE-going to do?" Celeste moaned. "Gaston is afraid to kill geese and my light man is dead!"  
  
"Does this mean we aren't going to do the play?" Wufei asked brightly.  
  
"Of course we're going to perform it!" Celeste snapped. "I wouldn't cut it off for the world!"  
  
"DARNIT!"  
  
"I know!" Celeste shouted. "We'll get a person to dress up as a goose and Gaston can shoot that person!"  
  
"Wonderful idea!" Quatre exclaimed.  
  
"Right! Now, let the rehearsal commence!" Things continued going smoothly (even Quatre's short singing part!) until they got to THE Gaston song.  
  
"I-I-I have to sing the lead on this song/' Quatre gulped.  
  
"You bet, honey," Celeste responded. "It's all you. But don't worry, the triplets will give you plenty of support!"  
  
"The triplets?" Quatre gulped. "Who are they?"  
  
"Us!" Relena, Hilde, and Lady Une said as one.  
  
"Yup, then," Celeste confirmed. "They are the girls you will have to perform with."  
  
"Quatre's face turned a ghostly white color. "HAVE to perform with?" He whispered, barely audible.  
  
"Yes, Quatre, you HAVE to perform with them."  
  
Quatre squeaked.  
  
"Quatre what is wrong with that?" Celeste demanded. "It isn't the end of the world if you have to perform with three girls! IN fact, you should be happy! There are tons of guys in this world that would love to switch places with you, who would love to perform with these three girls!" Celeste stood there and stared at a shaking Quatre before putting a hand to her forehead. She laughed like there was no tomorrow, finally understanding Quatre's fears. "No, no, Quatre, wrong kind of perform! This isn't Outlaw Star!" (A/N: Ever seen the uncut version? *evil grin*) She paused for a moment as she continued laughing. "You'll be acting with them on stage!"  
  
"Ohhh," Quatre replied, blushing his embarrassment.  
  
"Now that that has been cleared up, sing."  
  
"Don't look at me!" Quatre cried. "Zechs-Lefou is supposed to start us off!"  
  
"You just had to go and open your mouth," Zechs muttered. "Fine, fine, here I go."  
  
And thus the song started, and all went smoothly until the part in the song where Gaston picks up the bench with the three girls sitting on it. Quatre dashed to the bench and struggled with all his might to lift up the bench.  
  
"Ugh.arg.mreep!"  
  
"The music stopped. "Quatre, you are so pathetic!" Relena snapped. "Me and the other two girls haven't even sat down yet!"  
  
"So sue me!" Quatre snapped in response, wiping the sweat from his forehead.  
  
"Oh boy," Celeste muttered.  
  
"Here let me help you," Hilde said, and she lifted the bench up single-handedly. "Okay, now can we get a move on?  
  
And thus the play commenced until the end of the song, when Trowa- Maurice ran crazily into the room, shouting about beasts.  
  
"A beast has Belle locked in a tower," he said lamely.  
  
"Trowa, you're supposed to be hysterical!" Celeste cried, throwing her hand in the air.  
  
"Yeah, but this is Quatre I'm yelling at! I don't know about you, but I just can't yell at those baby-blue eyes! He's my best friend, for Pete's sake!"  
  
"Uhh." Celeste groaned. "Fine, skip this part, somebody throw Trowa out the door, and Quatre, keep singing!"  
  
"Lefou I'm afraid I've been thinking,"  
  
"Something you're good at,"  
  
"I know. Now that darling young man is my best friend, and his sanity's more than so-so. Now the wheels in my head have been turning, since I looked at my marv'lous best friend. Now I promised myself to ne'er make fun of him and I'm not about to start right noooooooow!"  
  
"QUATRE RABERBA WINNER AND ZECHS MERQUISE!!!!" Celeste shrieked. 'You two are RUINING my PLAY!" Quatre jutted out his lower lip in defiance, and Celeste sighed agitatedly. "Fine. Let's skip this part. We're going to the song Be our Guest."  
  
"YAY!" Duo cheered.  
  
"Yay, go pyro-maniac!" Chelsea and cat cheered.  
  
"Alright. Duo, light up your headpiece and your hand candles and start singing," Celeste commanded.  
  
"Be, our, guest, be our guest, put our service to the test. Tie a napkin round your neck, chérie, while we provide the rest!" One of the Maguanacs tied a napkin around Wufei's neck, 'accidentally' tying it too tight, causing Wufei-Belle to choke and gag. Celeste noticed and sniggered, glad to get her mind off Duo's horrible singing.  
  
Mercifully, the song flew by, relieving everybody of the horrendous torture. Things once again went smoothly until Heero had to sing.  
  
"No."  
  
"Heero, it's a musical," Celeste said sweetly, batting her lashes. "Of course you have to sing."  
  
"No."  
  
"Heero, for me?" Relena intervened. Heero hesitated before refusing.  
  
Celeste lost her top.  
  
"Okay, that IT! I've absolutely HAD it! You are all RUINING my musical! You can't sing right, you screw up your lines-PURPOSELY-you bicker all the time, and I'm sick of it! The play is OFF!" She stormed out.  
  
"That's the first intelligent thing she's ever said," Heero commented.  
  
"WHAT?!" Wufei roared. "YOU HAD ME DRESS UP AS A WOMAN FOR NOTHING!?!? INJUSITCE!!!! The play stays ON!"  
  
"Wu-wu," Duo sniggered, "that dress makes you look fat!"  
  
"MAXWELL, THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"  
  
And thus ended the day of unsuccessful play-practice. 


End file.
